George Lucas Did WHAT!
by His Majesty the Emperor
Summary: The Star Wars characters react to the news that George Lucas has sold them to Disney.
1. Chapter 1

Star Wars is the Property of George Lucas. Oh wait, it isn't, not anymore. Star Wars is the Property of the Disney Corporation, apparently. Either way I don't own anything. Please leave a review. This is my first time doing something like parody so please be gentle. I apologize if it isn't funny.

* * *

In a distant corner of the Outer Rim, the rag-tag rebel fleet had gathered. Not to attack their mortal enemy, the Galactic Empire, but to deal with a far more important matter. Aboard the rebel flagship, Home One, the most important members of the Rebel Alliance gathered together for a Council of War to discuss what was being declared the single most improbable and unusual thing in the history of the universe.

"What's the problem, has the Empire completed the Death Star?" asked Lando.

"No Lando," said Mon Mothma, "Something even more potentially devastating than that has occurred!"

"Oh please, what could be worse than the Empire finishing its doomsday weapon?" asked Han.

"It's horrible, _horrible_!" Someone shrieked. The assembled group turned to see who was talking. And there they saw Luke, sitting in the fetal position sobbing quietly to himself. "I can sense it all in the Force. It's as if millions of fanboys are crying out in fear and pain, only to be silenced!"

"Seriously, what is the big deal that has gotten everyone so upset?" asked Han.

Leia stood up, her face the very symbol of fear and uncertainty. "George Lucas sold Lucasfilms and the entire Star Wars saga to…" She paused, unable to carry on with the painfulness of it all.

"To who, Leia, who did he sell it to?" asked Han, who was starting to get more and more freaked out by what was happening.

"_Disney_" stated a booming cold voice.

The Rebels jumped as they realized who that voice belonged to. Standing in the entrance to the conference room was Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, accompanied by his Master, Emperor Palpatine. And they were livid.

"How the hell did you find us?" Asked Mon Mothma.

"IT'S A TRAP!" yelled Admiral Ackbar.

"It's not a trap, you stupid fish." said Vader.

"We sensed a horrible disturbance in the Force, and decided to broker a temporary truce with you rebels in order to deal with this problem." said the Emperor.

"I can't believe that George sold us out to Disney." said Han, the shock and horror starting to sink in.

"Hey Leia, doesn't this make you a Disney Princess? asked Luke.

"Well, I suppose I will be killing myself then." responded Leia.

"Oh No, if Star Wars is going to be a Disney series now, then that makes me a Disney villain." wailed Vader. "I swear if they force me to sing a villain song I am going to strangle someone."

"I don't know, if they give me a Villain song like Hellfire from the Hunchback of Notre Dame I think I could live with it. Maybe." said Palpatine. "But it's the indignity of it all that is the problem. Everyone in this room is a pop culture icon who redefined entire generations of moviegoers. And now we have fallen to this."

"I had thought that we had hit rock bottom after the Phantom Menace, but this is horrible." said Vader. "Before you know it the corporate goons from Disney will be here, trying to make us, _child friendly_."

Everyone shuddered at the thought.

"It's hopeless, we might as well just give up now." sighed Lando.

"If I may, I think I speak for a sizable faction of the fanbase when I say that you are all being overly negative about this whole situation."

"Who said that?" asked Leia.

"I did." There, standing firm in front of the incredulous crowd was C-3PO.

"Marvel fans reacted just as poorly as you did when they heard that that their beloved company had been bought by Disney, and there fears were mostly unfounded." stated C-3PO. "The Marvel Films have all been excellent so far, and while I haven't read the comics recently I have heard that Disney has been fairly hands off."

"But it's Disney!" said Han.

"Yes Captain Solo, it is Disney, but that changes little. Disney may have a reputation as being an entertainment company for children, but I find it highly unlikely that they would radically alter the Star Wars films. Contrary to what many believe, _some_ executives are not _that_ moronic. They surely know about the feelings of the fanbase, and they know that if they do not create a quality film then the entire project will have been for nothing. To be painfully blunt, no one is stupid enough to buy something for $4 Billion and willingly screw it up. They have to put effort into this, or else it will hurt the company's bottom line."

"Hmph, one of the few times where the stingy nature of the entertainment business actually works out in the audience's favor." snorted the Emperor sarcastically.

"So you're saying we should just blindly accept this." asked Luke.

"No Master Luke. What I'm saying is that right now we don't know enough as of right now to really form a valid opinion. Who knows what the future has in store. But we must accept this, for now. Maybe the writers and directors will take public opinion into account when they make Episode VII, maybe they won't. But this is the Will of the Force. We just have to be patient. And we must be optimistic for our future. After all, it could be worse."

"How could things possible get worse Goldenrod?" asked Han.

"George Lucas is not a young man, Captain Solo. If he were to die without having sold his company, chances are it would have been carved up and split into pieces amongst greedy investors, and then the franchise would have been doomed to a slow death. This way, Lucasfilms will live on. And who knows, maybe these films will breathe new life into the franchise. Again, we need to be optimistic."

"My Master, why don't you use your precognitive abilities to see into the future? You could tell us what will become of this Episode VII."

Palpatine turned to Vader, concern written in his face. "As Yoda once said, 'impossible to see the future is'. For the first time in ages, the future is clouded to me. I suppose the droid is correct. We can only wait for what the future has in store for us."

The assembled group fell into silence, each one wondering about their future. Some were cheered up by 3PO's arguments. Others could not be roused from their fear and concern over this problem they found themselves in. But they all knew one thing for sure. No one can know definitively what will occur in the future, but we must have hope in order to endure the hardships of the present.

After all, it couldn't possible be worse than the Phantom Menace, right?

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks went by after the shocking revelation of George Lucas's decision to sell Star Wars to Disney. Our intrepid heroes found themselves trying to come to terms with this frightening new reality. Some were able to accept it, others were gripped with fear and concern.

The truce between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire held firm since both sides were far too anxious about the upcoming sequels to really care about the Civil War that had torn their galaxy asunder and which had served as the basis for three awesome movies and several good to subpar novels and comic books. The main cast found themselves again in the meeting room on Home One, once again discussing the upcoming Episode 7.

"I heard a rumor that they were going to resurrect me in Episode 7." Vader said with a conspiratorial whisper.

"Don't be ridiculous Vader!" snapped Leia. "Anyone who said that is just an internet troll trying to spread lies in order to mess with people's heads!"

"It's a good thing that after I established the Empire the first thing I did was have all the trolls executed!" The Emperor said with sadistic glee.

"What about Yoda?" asked Obi-Wan's ghost, which suddenly appeared in the center of the room. "Isn't he a troll?"

"No you Jedi fool, an internet troll. You know, losers who sit at their computers all day with nothing better to do with their miserable lives except insult people and say stupid things just to get a rise out of others." The Emperor said.

"Oh", said Obi-Wan, "But if Yoda isn't a troll then what is he?"

The Emperor moved to make a clever and biting comment on Master Kenobi's inability to even know what species his best friend and Master was, but suddenly came up short for once in his life.

"That is indeed a good question. Does anyone know what species Yoda belongs to?" asked the Emperor.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at the Emperor.

"I have no idea my master." Vader said.

"Beats me." Mon Mothma said.

"Who's Yoda?" Lando asked.

"I have no clue." Leia said.

"Maybe the Internet will shed light on this problem." Luke suggested.

"Ah, the Internet, is there anything you can't do?" asked Han.

Half an hour of searching later the gang gave up in frustration. "I can't believe it, not even the Internet knows what species Yoda belongs to, and the Internet is supposed to know everything." Han said. "I've just lost faith in humanity."

Suddenly Yoda appeared as a ghost for no real reason, interrupting the narrative. "He he he he, to the grave I have taken this knowledge. And now know the truth, no one will." And then he vanished. Everyone just stared blankly for a second and then tried to continue on as if it had never happened.

"I lost faith in humanity after the Phantom Menace." Obi-Wan said. "Thank the Force I'm dead so that they won't be able to rope me into any more films."

"That never stopped George from putting you in Episodes V and VI." Luke countered.

"That's different Luke. It worked thematically and my being there served a purpose to the narrative. Now that the original trilogy is over and the prequels are wrapped up I as a character no longer have a reason to be in the films." Obi-Wan said.

"Why does everyone riff on the Phantom Menace so much? Luke asked. "Sure it was no Empire Strikes Back, but it certainly wasn't the worst film ever made."

Everyone stopped a minute to ponder this thought.

"Ian Mcdiarmid certainly gave a fine performance." Palpatine said.

"The music was pretty epic." Lando admitted.

"The graphics weren't terrible." Han said.

"Some of the acting was a little bit stale, and some stuff wasn't really explained well, but aside from that it wasn't nearly as bad as people make it out to be as far as I remember." Luke said. "So why does everyone hate it so much?"

Just then, because the Almighty Plot demands it the doors to the meeting room opened and _He Who Must Not Be Named_ walked in.

"Meesa is so bombad happy to see all of yousa here on thisa bombad ship." (Who were you expecting, Voldemort? You aren't that lucky.)

Everyone stared at the Gungan in shock and disgust. Palpatine glared at Vader.

"I thought I ordered you to terminate that thing!" He bellowed.

"I thought you said that _you_ were taking care of it!" Vader said to his master.

"Oh now I remember why the Phantom Menace was so horrible." Luke said.

"Oh space God!" Han screamed with his head in his hands. "The memories, the horrible, horrible memories! They're back! I thought I had suppressed them after a night of binge drinking, but they're back!"

Jar Jar, being his normal moronic self who just couldn't take a clue went on with his little speech.

"Yousa lucky that Isa being found thisa place. The directions yousa being given me nearly sent meesa down a black hole!"

At this Leia and Mon Mothma gave each other a conspiratorial glare.

"Damn it we were so close this time!" Mon Mothma whispered.

"We'll get him with a shovel next time." Leia responded.

Jar Jar continued. "But thisa isn't why meesa is here. Meesa has just heard that a big bombad director isa just being confirmed for da new movie, yay!"

Everyone sat up and took notice at this.

"A new director?! Everyone screamed. Vader leapt from his seat, grabbed Jar Jar by the scruff of his neck and started shaking him like a rag doll. "For the love of the Darkside Jar Jar, be useful for once in your life and tell us right now who it is."

"JJ Abrams."

The room grew deathly silent. Vader unconsciously balled his hands into a fist. However his hands happened to still be around Jar Jar's neck, inadvertently choking the Gungan.

"Little Orphan Annie, yousa choking meesa." He gasped.

"Let him go Vader." Obi-Wan said.

"I need something to unleash my homicidal rage on." Vader growled.

"No father you can't." Luke said. "Lucasfilms hasn't finished making Star Wars the Clone Wars yet! He may be in more episodes. You'll ruin continuity by killing him."

"The EU already did that, but fine." Vader murmured darkly, releasing Jar Jar much to everyone else's great displeasure.

"Great, we won't even be able to watch the movie now thanks to all the lens flares." The Emperor murmured darkly.

"Chances are we won't even get a decent ending. The entire thing will probably turn into the last episode of Lost all over again." Han said.

"What do you think the chances are that Abrams will create some crazy parallel universe like he did in Star Trek in order to get rid of all of the continuity?" Lando asked.

Everyone shuddered at the thought.

"The last thing we need is the Star Wars franchise turning into DC Comics with a reboot every other year!" exclaimed Leia. Everyone voiced their agreement at this.

At this point C-3PO walked into the room. "I think you are all over reacting again." He said.

"Let me guess goldenrod, you're here to assuage our fears on the upcoming films by pointing out the positives and saying that we shouldn't let ourselves blow all of this out of proportion." Han said bitterly.

"Why yes Captain Solo, how did you know? 3PO asked.

"Because this is exactly what happened in the last chapter. The only reason this story is getting a second chapter at all is because the author heard the news online and decided to write this because he honestly couldn't think of anything better. I mean, it gets rather repetitive after a while. The Author hears news about something, reads how badly the fan boys are taking it and then makes a stupid one shot trying to get out his own views on the matter that no one cares about anyway."

At this everyone turned and glared at the author, who was sitting in the corner with his laptop trying to come up with a good idea for a one shot.

The author shrugged his shoulders. "Listen, its bad taste enough as it is for the Fourth Wall to be broken. It is even worse when the author has to actually have a speaking line in his own story. So just get back to the Abrams thing, okay?"

"Fine." Han huffed. "Get on with it 3PO, we don't have all day."

"Mr. Abrams is a highly gifted and qualified director who helped to successfully revive the Star Trek franchise." 3PO said. "If anyone can help restore the Star Wars name then it is him."

"But didn't he basically enrage the fans by ditching decades of continuity in favor of a weird time travel/alternate reality reboot?" Luke asked. "What is to stop him from doing the same with Star Wars?"

"While Star Wars has suffered a little in the last decade the franchise is still far better off than its Trek counterpart. Star Wars only had three movies that were considered bad by the public, and at least two of those three are debatable in terms of good or bad. Trek on the other hand had anywhere between four and six bad movies with two bad TV shows to boot. Rebooting was the only way at this point to salvage Star Trek. Star Wars on the other hand is not badly damaged yet to warrant a complete reboot."

"What about the argument that fans were upset because the film basically ditched the principles of Star Trek in favor of explosions and dumbed down plots?" asked Leia.

"Princess Leia, can you honestly stand before me and say truthfully that you think modern audiences would pay to see a two hour film about people thinking about philosophy or waxing on about the human condition? Films are first and foremost a business. They always have been and always shall be. Films need to appeal to as wide a variety of audiences as possible in order to maximize box office profits. That is why the Star Trek films started to fail; they only appealed to the fanbase and failed to make an impact with mainstream audiences."

"I suppose it isn't all terrible." Obi-Wan sighed. "Star Trek 2009 felt like a Star Wars film anyways, so maybe Abrams knows what he is doing. I suppose we must trust in the Force."

"And if that fails we always have the animated shows to fall back on." The Emperor suggested.

"I suppose it is indeed useless to be too concerned about all of this; otherwise we will go mad with worry." Leia said.

"I suppose this is the part where 3PO gives us the moral of the episode." Remarked Han sarcastically.

"Indeed it is Captain Solo." 3PO said. He then turned to face the audience, shattering the Fourth Wall in the process.

"My good Star Wars fans, whatever happens will happen. Your obvious concern and love of this great franchise is indeed endearing, but you shouldn't worry. You shouldn't argue with one another. And you most certainly shouldn't be trolling on the Internet. The people responsible for crafting this sequel trilogy are not out to ruin the saga, at least not intentionally. They are no doubt working night and day in order to craft and deliver a magnificent tale that will indeed be worthy of the Star Wars name. So have faith in your fellow man. Have a positive look out on things. And remember this one important thing; the Force shall be with you, always."


End file.
